In Sickness
by AnnieVH
Summary: A missing scene from OBSESSION


**Title:** In Sickness  
**Author:** AnnieVH  
**Summary:** Alex meets Rick at the hospital  
**Rating:** T  
**Genre:** drama, angsty, romance, slash  
**Characters or Pairing:** Alex, Rick, Milo, Rick/Milo  
**Prompts:**  
From the **Small Fandom Fest**: _Alex Delaware Series, Milo Sturgis/Rick Silverman, sick._  
Also, **Nans** left me this on a review: _Would you consider writing on for Compulsion where Rick nearly loses Milo during his stay_ His fever ran high and at one point his kidney function didn't look good. _I thought there was a missed scene between Rick and Alex. And I agree, there was._  
**Spoilers:** for OBSESSION.  
**Disclaimer:** don't own, just burrow.  
**Notes:** English is my second language, so forgive my grammar.

* * *

_Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you  
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right  
And life has a funny way of helping you out when  
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up  
In your face_**  
Ironic** by Alanis Morisette

* * *

To find Rick in the hallway, slumped over a chair, worried Alex. Whenever he wasn't on call, he had been by Milo's bedside, and for him to be outside of his partner's room, sitting so quietly and in no apparent rush to get back in or hit the ER, there had to be a good reason.

His eyes seemed to be focused on nothing in particular and his mind was a million miles away, probably lost in a bad place of possibilities Alex himself didn't wanna face and was pretty sure Rick shouldn't either, so he called, "Hey."

Rick turned from the nothingness that had caught his attention, slightly startled. Saw him. Whispered faintly, "Hi."

Alex took a good look on his face for the first time since Milo had been admitted. Rick was only a couple years younger than himself but could normally pass for a lot younger than he actually was, since he exercised and ate properly. Milo used to laugh, "The only thing that's gonna age this guy is me. His hair was dark before he met me, and now look at this!" And ran a paw over his head to mess with Rick's curls. "Grayer with every passing week." To that, Rick just settled his hair with a complain, or smiled back at him, lovingly, if he wasn't feeling particularly vain.

But now, Alex could see that, in only two weeks, the years had caught up on Richard. His face was wrinkled and tired and dark circles had appeared under his brown eyes; now, vanity was gone and he seemed to be every day of his fifty four years - granted, a good looking fifty four year old. The biggest change was the lack of shrewdness and interest on his face; Rick had always looked intelligent and alert. Now, there was nothing on his features other than tiredness and sorrow.

Alex pointed to the paper cup he was holding, loosely. "Went to get a coffee?"

And Rick stared at the empty cup in his hands as if realizing it was still there. "I guess." Tried to force a smile on his face. Failed. Alex smiled back, and assumed did a better job at it, because Richard said, "I just wanted to get out of there for a moment."

Alex presumed there was something on his face that said he wasn't expecting that answer because Rick rushed to justify, "I'm going back soon."

"It's fine."

"And Joel is with him, anyway, so..." and allowed the sentence to go uncompleted, because it really wasn't a good excuses. Whenever Dr. Joel Morrison went to check on Milo, Rick would follow closely every move and Joel wouldn't mind. At first, Rick had decided to take Milo's case into his own hands, but soon after the surgery he decided he was too close to the _patient_ to remain impartial throughout his stay.

Alex nodded and sat by his side. "It's tough on you, Rick, you really should take some time for yourself."

Rick said nothing and chose his empty cup as his new focus.

To keep him talking, Alex asked, "His fever is still high?"

Rick mumbled. "His kidneys."

Even though by the tone of his voice he didn't sound willing to talk about it any further, Alex still couldn't repress the question. "What's wrong?"

Rick sucked in some breath, "He was complaining of pain. His fever won't break and his wounds refuse to scar, regardless of the stitches, and then he said his whole body hurt. I called Joel and he ran some tests and it seems they're not working right."

Alex felt concern burning inside his guts. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know, Alex" Rick said, impatient. "I don't know. Joel's scheduling some more tests and I really don't wanna think about all of this right now, okay? I just wanna sit here for a while and not think of anything, can I just do that, please?"

"Sure. Of course. I'm sorry."

Rick sighed and leaned back on his seat. Closed his eyes, spreading a new web of wrinkles around its corners. Alex allowed a few minutes to pass before he'd offer, "Do you wanna go home for a day or two? Me and Robin can take care of everything. We'll explain to him-"

"Explain what?" Rick asked, opening his eyes to look at his friend, exhaustion in every word. "He's on so many painkillers he's not aware of anything around him. I could mambo into the room dressed as Carmen Miranda and he wouldn't know the difference."

Alex suppressed a smirk at the mental image. "Still, I highly recommend that you don't."

Rick blew air out of his mouth, the closest thing he could get to laughter. Shook his head.

"Seriously, Rick" Alex said, "Go home for more than half an hour, take a shower, sleep in a decent bed-"

"The bed I share with him?" Rick said, quietly, and there was nothing Alex could reply to that.

Alex and Robin had been visiting Milo every day, sometimes they'd spend the night to keep an eye on him whenever Rick was on call, because that was the only moment he could actually focus on something else but Milo. Of course, the lieutenant had frowned groggily, like a cranky child, "I can take care of myself." But the three of them knew it wasn't true, so they'd pat his hand and say, "Of course, we know you can" and sit by his side, watching him snore, read or stare at bad cop shows until he got frustrated or sleepy.

At first, he had been awake and well, but after the second day, an infection settled in and, from that moment on, he only seemed aware enough to complain or throw up. Having virtually moved into the hospital as well, Rick got the worst of it and faced everything with the endless patience he seemed to store only for Milo. He didn't complain, didn't snap at anyone, didn't show frustration or any other emotion that wasn't concern or relief.

When Robin had said, "You're taking very good care of him." His voice had shaken as he swallowed down a knot in his throat, "I'm trying to."

"You are."

Rick had turned to her with thankfulness in his eyes. Lately, Robin seemed to always know the right thing to say to him. Maybe it was because she'd spent her share of nights wondering why her partner was taking so long to get home, like Rick probably spent most of his. And since Milo had been shot, Alex'd caught her glancing at him now and then, with wondering eyes.

Not wanting to think of what that'd do to Robin, not having the strength to go there himself at that moment, he placed a hand on Rick's knee, making him sigh loudly and move uncomfortably, "_Don't_." Alex apologized and retreated his hand.

After a moment, Rick said, "Sorry."

"It's fine."

"It's not fine."

"It is."

"Why is everybody patronizing me these days?" Rick complained to the ceiling.

"Richard, this whole thing can get excessive. You're allowed to be frustrated."

"I don't wanna _be_ frustrated." Rick said, harshly. "Frustration is what got me in here to begin with. If I'm frustrated I can't even be in the same room as Milo and how can I help him then?"

"But right now, there really isn't much that you can do." Alex said with softness. "You don't have to be so hard on yourself."

Rick shook his head, skeptical, but didn't reply. There really wasn't much he could say to that. He leaned back and crossed his arms, going back to the staring of nothing, letting the wrinkles spread on his face as he surrendered to his powerlessness. Alex mimicked him and allowed himself to rest back and just wait.

Then, Rick's lips parted with a soft sound and he said, "I'm not stupid, you know? I know what he does for a living." Alex turned to look at him. "He shields me from the worst of it, but I know. I try not to think about it, and when I think I'm over it, a cop gets wheeled into the ER." Rick chewed on his lips. "I used to freak out if he didn't call me every couple hours. Even today I ask him to keep me updated about his every move when he leaves the house so I won't worry. I still have trouble sleeping when he's out on call."

"You love him. You worry. It's natural."

"Yes, it is, and you know why?" He hissed, angry. "Because I _knew _this would happen. I just could feel it in my gut, and I thought I was being ridiculous and pessimistic and unsupportive, but I just knew _this_ would happen." And pointed at the door before them with a trembling hand. "And sometimes I wanna tell him to quit this whole thing. To retire and go fish somewhere because you have no idea of what it does to me."

And stared at Alex, waiting for him to say something, but he didn't. He didn't wanna stop the flow or words coming out of Rick's mouth. But it turned out he seemed to have said enough and leaned forward, resting his chin on his knuckles, pensive.

Alex was a listener by nature and decided silence was the best approach in that case, resting back quietly, observing his friend with soft eyes so he wouldn't think he was judging.

Rick sighed. "He could've been a teacher, for crying out loud, he is so intelligent." Alex thought he'd seen a little smile trying to get to Rick's lips. "You know, I've made him lecture me on lit a couple of times and he's good, so passionate about it. And his reading voice, it just..." He gave another sigh to finish his thought, long and loving as he looked at the door, remembering the man that was waiting for him inside. Rick plucked on his mustache and rubbed his eyes. Said, apologetically, "What is it about you that makes people wanna open up?"

Alex shrugged, afraid that any answer would get him to shut. However, when he realized the confession was over and Rick wasn't willing to add anything more to that, he suggested, "If you want him to quit, you should tell him that."

"I know. I won't."

He tried again, "If you feel so-"

"He knows how I feel. In fact, if I asked him to quit I'm pretty sure he'd say yes." Rick shrugged. "This matters to him. Being a cop. And even I can see that he's pretty darn good at it. He's the best."

"He is."

"He doesn't really say it, but he's proud of being a good cop." Rick rolled up his eyes. "Hell knows he's not proud of himself for a lot of things."

Alex nodded.

"And it helps him cope with who he is."

"What do you mean?"

Rick turned his head to face him, as if realizing that last remark wouldn't really make sense to him, and explained. "It helps him reaffirm himself as a man."

Alex got it.

"He won't retire. They'll have to kick him out when the time comes. Or he'll just..." And motioned towards the door. Stared at it. Water shined inside his eyes and his voice had a little panic note when he choke, "If something happens to him I'll _die_-"

"Nothing is gonna happen to him." Alex reassured him, resting a hand on his shoulder, as he covered his eyes with his hand. He leaned in closer, "Rick, he's a hardass and nothing can get to him."

Rick looked up and scorned. "Oh, c'mon, Alex, what do you take me for?"

Unsure if he was trying to convince Rick or himself, Alex insisted, "Richard, it's not today and it won't be for a very long time."

"He's right."

Richard let out a shaky sigh and rubbed his eyes vigorously, as Alex looked up to find Dr. Morrison coming out of the room.

Alex had met him a couple of times at Milo and Rick's and, even though the last time he saw him it had been over a year ago, he looked the same - a tall black man in his fifties with broad shoulders and a goatee, his black, short hair turning white at the temples. Years ago, Milo had introduced him to Alex as, "And this is Rick's version of _you_."

Joel's baritone voice greeted him through thick lips. "Alex."

They shook hands. Rick stood up, apologized for nothing and asked, "What is it now?"

"The nurses are coming to get him in a few minutes. And if you ask me, I'm optimistic. I'm sure this is nothing, just a bad side effect of his medication."

"Okay." Rick said, skeptical, but determined to hold on to that promise. "He awake?"

"No, he's still out, but you can go in before we take him upstairs."

Rick nodded.

Joel tried to look inside his eyes, but Rick was keeping them on the floor. Along with his crossed arms, it was a "do not disturb" sign that Joel decided to ignore. Best friend prerogative. "You know the guy has the strength and the stubbornness of a bull, don't you?"

"I'm familiar with it."

"So take the gloom look off your face, Rick." Joel said, with a smirk. "He'll be fine."

Rick bit his lips and nodded, "Okay."

Joel patted his shoulder on the way out. Rick thanked him by placing his own hand on his for a second.

Then, for Alex's surprise, Rick asked him, "Would you come in with me, please?"

Alex never thought he'd see Milo as a little man but, among the machinery and the medication, he seemed to have shrank to a tiny lump of a person under the covers. In two weeks, he had lost a few pounds Alex knew he wouldn't have a problem to gain back once he got better. He was even paler, even a little green, and all strength seemed to have left him. Joel had said he'd be fine, and Alex couldn't see how.

He allowed Rick to get closer to the bed alone, sure he'd call if he wanted him by his side. Rick greeted, "Hey, Big Guy." As if he was expecting Milo to answer back, and the fact that he didn't seemed to shake him up enough not to speak again.

He just stood by his side. Took his hand. Brushed the hair away from his warm forehead. Moved as if he was going to lean in and kiss it, but decided to stare down at him without saying a word. There were many words he needed to say, but Alex knew he had had his share of unresponded conversations for the day.

Even though he was, quote-unquote, Jewish-agnostic, he raised his eyes to the ceiling as if he was doing a desperate pray in his mind.  
_  
If anything happens to him, I'll die..._

That's what he had said.

At that moment, Alex believed him.

***FIM***


End file.
